To the Mompreneur: You Don't Have to Hustle to find Success
To the creative entrepreneur, work from home mama:
Over the past year I’ve podcasted consistently every single week, worked my butt off building an audience, and yesterday my podcast just reached a milestone that felt far off just a few months ago and that I never would have believed was possible at the start - half a million downloads of a message I feel called to!
But also? Over the past year, I’ve struggled. I’ve struggled to find how work fits into a day that is about nurturing this girl first and foremost. I’ve struggled with opinions of family members on how I’m balancing it. I’ve struggled with my own workflows and a balance that makes sense. I’ve struggled with putting the work down when she wakes up. I’ve struggled with guilt, and with the idea of balance in general.
Working from home is HARD. There are people who will judge us for not putting allll our attention on our homes and our kids all the time. There’s also this message out there that as creatives, we need to be creating content constantly. We need to be ever present on social media or we’ll never build an audience that trusts us.
But here’s what I’m learning:
1. We need to put down guilt on both sides. Your kids will be okay and so will your business, but...
2. We have to put down the hustle so that we can build trust and love within our home first and foremost.
If you’ve felt pulled in two directions, if you’ve felt social media is taking away your attention to the things that matter most- I’ve been there! I am there still some days. And I don’t know if we fully get over it.
This helps…
Come back to your WHY. Why did you decide you wanted to work from home in the first place?
My guess is a lot of it has to do with being there for your babies and still getting to do some life giving work from home. At least that’s what it was for me.
And every time I feel like it’s TOO HARD and I can’t balance this all and let me just go find a job outside of the home- that why stops me in my tracks.
We can’t keep listening to the voices that tell us to ignore that why and keep our eyes on our phone all day. We can’t keep listening to the voices that say if we don’t keep going fast and hard towards our work NOW we’ll miss out. We’ll miss our calling. (spoiler alert: if you do THIS - if you hustle all day - you will miss something important)
God may be calling you to share your story. To create things. To build a business from scratch.
But He is calling you to the people he put right in front of your face, too.
This will look different for everyone. It will look different depending on the age of your kids. It will look different depending on the needs of your kids. It will look different depending on the work you do.
But I have a few quick encouragements for how I’m navigating this right now, in the toddler years:
I’m not playing the social media game.
I know what it takes to keep my engagement as high as it can be on instagram- it takes constant presence and guess work and focus. You can be successful without that but most people talking about instagram will tell you to do this so you can reach maximum potential.
Here’s what feeling the need to be constantly present on instagram got me: Other than a little higher engagement, it also gave me more anxiety and made me less present with my child and a lot more frustrated with my days in general. The minute I put down that pressure, I was happier and so was my child.
Now? I use it how I want to. I use it for fun. I promote my stuff but I’m not worried about creating perfect content or getting ahead on instagram. It is a space where I build my community and promote what I’m doing ON MY OWN TERMS. As in, in the times where I allow my attention to go there.
But, it’s addicting, right? If I feel I’m starting to fall into checking it too much, delete it off my phone at least twice a day and it doesn’t come back on til my daughter is sleeping (naptime, bedtime, etc.) or when I’m working and someone else is with her.
There are a million ways to do social media- but so many experts are telling us we need to be ever present and honestly that will probably have you ending up wildly unhappy and anxious. Find what works for you.
Further reading on this: Instagram is Broken and it also Broke Us
I’m creating workflows that make sense + getting organized.
I’m using more project management systems, on paper and digitally, and I’m getting hyper organized about what needs to get done, when. I’m focused entirely on my work during my work time (you know, as much as humanly possible) and using good nutrition to help me do that (instead of eating 2 Dove Chocolates for lunch because “I don’t have time and I have to work.” -me.
Point number one about social media ALSO helps me do this. I used to spend SO MUCH TIME trying to create on social media to promote one little thing or get a message across and I’m just choosing to put down the pressure of all of that.
I also want to clarify: social media IS part of my work and I know that’s the case for so many of us. If this is the case during my specific work time- I do my best to set aside times to create vs. answering messages/ comments because if I’m trying to do both at once somehow I end up 40 minutes in to watching stories and getting nothing accomplished because I didn’t have an actual focus for what my purpose was on social media during that time.
Focused, purposeful work does not look like watching stories for 40 minutes. Do anything you can to eliminate that distraction.
I’m choosing what time I have to work and only allowing myself work that fits realistically into the time I have in this season, instead of taking on a bunch of work and somehow trying go find all the time.
Instead of saying “These are all the things I want to do, now when can I do them?” I’m saying, these are the things I MUST do, this is the time I have, how does it fit together, and what else that I’d like to do can be added, if anything?” This looks like a lot of prioritizing and dropping projects I picked up just yesterday.
I’m bringing her in to everything I do.
I mentioned I have a toddler - she’s 2 - and these days I’m focused on bringing her into EVERYTHING I do unless she is already engaged in play on her own. That means cooking dinner, cleaning, ordering groceries on the computer (I let her show me a snack she wanted and hit the order button, etc. if she is engaged in other things)
This allows me to spend the time while she is awake somewhat productive around the house but also focused on quality time with her. It also makes a habit of just doing life together and it helps my own mindset of “ugh, she’s driving me crazy” when she wants me to pick her up while I’m trying to make lunch.
It seems when I’m not fighting against her, and instead allowing her to be a part of everything, she ends up happier to play on her own, too.
I also hope to, as she gets older, bring her into my work time a bit by creating a time for us to both “work on things.” I have no real specifics on how this will work - but it’s just something I’m hoping to do when she’s old enough. For now, most work things stay during work time. It’s just what works for us.
But I also don’t let home things fall into work time, so that’s why I bring her in to cooking, cleaning, etc.
I’m not perfect at any of this. I’m not perfectly present and I’m not always patient and gentle like I’d like to be. I still get frustrated with toddler behaviors. But this has helped immensely.
I’m bringing it all to God every single day. I’ve found that hustling forward often leaves God out of my work. It puts me first as I focus on MY ability to do all the work and get ahead. But it’s also a big fail because I don’t last long at that pace. So I’m inviting Him to be first in my day and I’m asking Him to lead my work and my motherhood- all of it- and show me how it fits together for His plan.
Work at home mom life is hard- yes, I’ve already said this but it needs to be said again. It looks different for each of us- and know there is no judgement here about how much you’re working while your kids are awake or the ways in which you need to structure your days.
It is a privilege that we are able to do creative work from home, and sometimes we have to make compromises - but I just don’t want you to fall into thinking that the only option is to power ahead, hustle your days away, and find yourself feeling wildly unfulfilled by the end of your day because your priorities were out of whack.
You can put first things first and still succeed. Your work can be a priority AND your kids can be, too. You just have to find a rhythm that works for you - it can be an imperfect one, of course, and it will be.
But if there are ways you’re working that feel like they aren’t aligning with your why and your priorities, change them. You don’t have to follow the crowd telling you work and hustle OVER everything is the only key to success.
You don’t have to hurry to the top for a full life. I’ve found fuller days are lived off of instagram, making green smoothies together, and reading or brainstorming when she’s playing independently and I need a break instead of getting sucked into my phone.